Welcome.  I decided to write a blog because I thought it would help inspire and motivate me to push forward on my book.  I’ve learned that writing a book is no big deal.  The real turmoil lies in the editing and solicitation processes.  So far the book is a diatribe of words I spewed out in a burst of inspiration.  It doesn’t really go anywhere specific and so now I’m stuck trying to give my words some direction.  Just a little more cohesion so that I’m not subjecting my readers (assuming I actually acquire a few) to a rambling commentary of novel proportions.  That’s what the blog will be for.

I figured I had better run this whole blog thing by a few friends first.  There’s no more reliable predictor of success than pitching your idea to a really biased test group, so I sent out an email:

starting a blog.  will expect you to read.  kisses.

Here’s the kind of responses I’m dealing with:

Eric:  haha im in iowa, been driving all afternoon into a snow storm

Laura:  Lol ok!!

Kasia:  Um, ok awesome.  Can’t wait!

And my personal favorite, from Holly:  Pat and I are probably breaking up. He almost cheated on me.

With this kind of support behind me, I knew I couldn’t go wrong.  Just to make sure things run smoothly, however, I would like to set a few ground rules:

1.  Criticism is frowned upon here in Knoodles Land.  Constructive or not, it will not be tolerated.  Besides, my taste is impeccable and my writing skills unparalleled.  Any attempt to disagree with me will be looked upon by others as a pathetic display of jealousy.  If I misspell something or misspeak (mistype?), I did it on purpose and if you don’t get my reasoning it’s likely just because I have a keener sense of irony than you.  Okay, so to summarize: no criticism.  Besides, I will be monitoring all comments from the peanut gallery.

2.  Okay, I guess I only have one rule, so I suggest you adhere to it.

You’re probably wondering what you’re going to get out of this blog so I’ve compiled an anticipatory Q&A.  (I was going to call it an FAQ, but since literally NO ONE has ever asked me ANY of these questions, I felt it would sort of be a lie.)

What sort of content can I expect to find on this blog?
Gee, you know, I wish I could say.  I envision a menagerie of oddities including reviews of books and other items I have absolutely no authority to report upon, general ranting about motorists and grocery store cashiers, as well as some “where is she going with this?” commentary and updates and glimpses into the glamorous lifestyle of a young accounting clerk accountant living it up in the suburbs city of Chicago.  From time to time, I may use this blog as an avenue for humiliating people I don’t like and maybe even a few I do like.  And yes, the possessive form of Knoodles is Knoodles’s so don’t even bother.  Besides, we went over this in Ground Rule #1, remember?

Okay, can you at least tell me when I can expect new content on this blog?
I don’t really like to be tied down with obligations and responsibilities so I’m not going to promise you anything in the way of a schedule or even a general idea of when you can expect updates or new posts.  I just don’t want anything serious right now.  I mean, maybe one day, if things are going really well we can talk about some form of commitment but for now I just want to have fun with this.

Am I seriously not allowed to post my opinion if it’s different from yours?
No, I’m not a psycho (not by the legal definition anyway).  You can totally post whatever you want on here.  I’ll just delete it.

You’re amazing.  Can I take you out sometime?
Yes, I am.  No, you cannot.  My friend Laura is single, though, and I’d be happy to introduce you.  Just send me a PDF of your last year’s W2 and 1099s and, if you are approved to be a suitable donor mate, I will work my magic.

Hopefully all your questions have been answered.  I am excited to see where this goes.  I’m also really bad/lazy with conclusions/goodbyes so I’m just going to kind of abruptly end things here for today.