I was laying in bed last night worrying about how my worrying was preventing my sleeping and it hit me then that I worry too much.  And that got me worried.  What was I worrying about?  Mortgage payments?  Work projects?  MRI results?  No, no and no.  That sort of stuff doesn’t get to me.  Let me tell you about some of my recurring thoughts and worries:

1.  A snake biting my butt while I’m sitting on the toilet.  I always check the pot before I sit down but what really worries me is a sneaky snake that lurks in the tunnel, waiting for me to sit down.  I did a little research (I Googled “snake toilet death”) and discovered a site that reported 50 fatalities in 1999 resulting from toilet bowl snake attacks.  At first I was excited because I thought I had totally validated my lifelong fear.  Then I Googled the source (Federal Bureau of Statistics) and discovered that the U.S. doesn’t even have a bureau by that name.  My next step was to try to contact Mr. Harvey Schitz, a Bureau employee quoted on the site.  I smirked at the irony of his name for a good thirty seconds before I realized the joke was on me.

2.  Hidden cameras.  I pretty much think these things are everywhere and that the government has special satellite cameras that are constantly tracking each individual’s every move.  I’m not worried about any criminal repercussions since I don’t do anything more illegal than speeding or not telling the grocery store cashier that she gave me change for a twenty when I only gave her a ten.  I just don’t want to end up on some Caught on Tape! video montage one day, having the world see me dig out a wedgie in a grocery store aisle or pull a piece of popcorn out of my bra in the movie theater.

3.  Dying and having people find embarrassing personal items, such as my Savage Garden CD or my Cool Girl’s Guide to Knitting book.  Which gives me a fantastic idea for a new business:  People hire me to run over to their place in the event of their untimely death and remove/destroy specific items.  The best part is, I won’t really have to do anything if I’m busy or out of town because my clients can’t exactly ask for their money back.  Production, capital, overhead and operating costs:  $0.  It’s genius.

4.  People reading my mind.  I am often troubled by the possibility that some people can read my mind or that the government or some geek somewhere has a machine that can read my mind.  Not that my thoughts are a threat to national security or anything, I just have some weird thoughts that I would prefer to remain private.  Nothing that I should be locked up in a padded room for, but definitely not stuff I would want anyone else knowing about.
5.  Having my face disfigured by a random piece of shrapnel.  I don’t know where I would be that this rogue shrapnel would strike my face, but it’s often the first thing that races to my mind when I hear a loud sound.

I also worry about dryer fires, a bug crawling in any orifice while I’m sleeping and the FBI finding out about the pog I stole from a toy store in third grade.  Now, normally I would end things here with a really weird final thought but I was reading an article the other day about blog improvement and it suggested asking a question at the end of an entry to garner reader participation, so even though I’m not sure I want to hear some of you all’s answers I’m going to put it out there:  What are your some of your worries?

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