When we last tuned in to Eric on his dating journey, led by the brilliant matchmakers otherwise known as myself and my friend Molly, we were disagreeing on the level of standards that should be set for Eric’s potential future mate. Molly felt the girl should be reasonably attractive, I felt we should take what we could get, and Eric felt insulted. We compromised and went with what I wanted.
Although many of the girls were gung-ho in their initial responses, the majority of them flaked out over time. On eHarmony, you see, the proper protocol is to complete several back and forth Q&A-type activities to weed out the duds before you actually start investing time in email conversations. By the time we got to the email stage of the game, most girls had found some cute excuse or another to cease further communication.
Gennie, however, was quite the trooper and enthusiastically replied to “Eric’s” emails. (You will recall that Molly and I are actually the ones doing the writing in this process as Eric cannot be trusted to be charming or even appropriate. He uses shock, and his beard, as defense mechanisms to push girls away.) That’s right, Eric’s personal grooming has come a long way since the picture I posted a couple weeks ago comparing him to Stephen Baldwin. These days, Eric keeps the ladies (and children and puppies) away by sporting a personal style any serial killer would kill to have:
Eric Charlie Manson
Molly shot off an email to Gennie requesting a date in the fashion we figured would be typical of Eric: “We should hang out. – Eric”. Gennie, totally playing it cool and not seeming at all desperate for male attention, wrote back a long dissertation on how that would be, like, so totally awesome and here’s her cell number and her home number and just in case she doesn’t answer the phone and her voicemail isn’t working, here’s her work number too. Eric was out of town so we texted him Gennie’s number and instructed him to call her. Always afraid of the repercussions of disobeying Molly and I, Eric called her up right away and reported back:
Marisa: Well, are you going to take her out on a date?
Eric: Probably not. She kept going on about how she is trying to lose the extra 80 pounds she packed on last year…
Marisa: Well, maybe she was only like 60 pounds before. That would only put her at about 140 now…
Eric: I didn’t get the impression that that was the situation…
Molly: Oh, well, I guess we’ll keep looking.
Eric: Actually, I decided to try this online dating thing for myself. I didn’t want to wait around for you two to pick my date from the casting call lineup for “Precious 2.”
So with each beginning comes an end after all. In one sense my project has failed in that I was unable to find a good match for Eric. On the other hand, I have successfully motivated him to take a more proactive approach to dating. (His previous approach involved sitting alone with his beard in a corner at the local bar waiting for a girl to be dared by her friends to go talk to him.) Just this past weekend he went on a date and the girl seemed to like him despite the fact that he was himself (which means he probably talked about his desire to “own” a midget). He seems pretty smitten, too. He even warned Molly and I that, “If I end up in a relationship cause of this, I’m gonna be pissed at you all.”