I recently sold two purses and some other items on eBay in order to fund the purchase of one new purse.  That’s the sort of deal I make with myself before a new purchase – it makes me feel more fiscally responsible.  Although the truly responsible thing would be to sell the items and save the money.  Or to stop buying purses altogether.

One of the items I sold was some fake poop I found in my closet.  Not really sure how it got there; you know how these things just sort of appear.  Anyhow, I didn’t know what else to do with it as I doubted the Salvation Army or the local church would be interested.  Throwing it away seemed tragic so I decided to try and ply my poo on eBay and wouldn’t you know!  Someone bought it!  Admittedly, the winning bid was $0.74, I offered free shipping and my listing fees totalled $0.35.  This put me down by about $2 after shipping costs but the peace of mind of knowing the poo had found a happy home was obviously priceless.

As I was mailing my caca to its new owner, I recalled Jay Leno’s recurring “Stuff We Found on eBay” segment and excitedly pondered the possibility of my poo appearing on late night television.  Jay would say, “So what do you think folks?  Did it sell?”

“Nooooooo!” the audience would scream.

“It sold!  Seventy-four cents!” Jay would announce to a round of laughter and shocked gasps.

I can’t be sure but I don’t think my item was scouted by NBC.  So I decided to do the next best thing and scour eBay for items to include in my own segment, “Stuff NBC Didn’t Find But I Sure Did.”

Trailer Home for Birds
The first thing I found was a trailer home bird house for birds down on their luck.

This product is temporarily sold out (or, as the seller writes, temporary sold out) but retails for $24.99.  These beauties are custom made, meaning you can have special traditional trailer park accessories (such as a White Sox flag) incorporated into the design.

Liquid Ass
The next item up for grabs is a lovely bottle of Liquid Ass.

One of the many exciting features of this product includes “an authentic butt crack smell … with hints of dead animal and fresh poop.”  The seller promises “unlimited fun” and claims Liquid Ass is “THE BEST of all the stink items on the market.”  I am not in the industry so I wouldn’t know a decent “butt crack aroma” if it hit me in the nose but one testimonial from a satisfied customer touts, “I sprayed a small stream of it in my buddy’s office and it ruined his entire day!”  No one has bid on this item yet, even though the seller is offering expedited shipping to guarantee your bottle is received in time for Mother’s Day.

Narcotics Anonymous Wall Clock
Nothing says sophisticated adult quite like a clock emblazoned with the Narcotics Anonymous logo.  Hang it up in your home to gain street cred with your friends or bring it to the office to impress your boss.  While I was exploring all the possibilities this product had to offer, the auction ended with a winning bid of $4.99.
Booby Scarf
The Mother’s Day ideas just keep coming.  This unique gift will have your girlfriend in tears.  For a small fee, you can have the creator add personal touches such as moles or hair.
CB-3000 Male Chastity Belt
The seller claims this device is “a great way to start playing at a cheap price” but what sort of playing is it if it’s all locked up?  Please do not post your suggestions – I was being rhetorical.  Oh, and did I mention that this item is in used condition?  But don’t worry because “the guide pins have been replaced and shortened” and “item has been fully cleaned.”
Fart in a Box
Up for grabs is “one juicy fart in a box” with “hang time like you won’t believe!”  All the seller asks in return is that “when you smell the aroma please leave positive feedback!”  At the time of publication, there were two days left in the auction and 3 bidders had thrown their hat in with a current high bid of $0.16.  Needless to say, I was intrigued and navigated to this guy’s feedback page.  Turns out this guy has sold farts to several satisfied buyers.  He also sells air guitars, but those tend to be a little pricier and can sell for upwards of $0.75.