Step 1: Skin
First of all, a sexy natural glow is a crucial first step toward achieving a look that says, “I’m not here for respect; I’m just here for a husband/good time/all-you-can-drink special.” The look can be created by making sure you get plenty of Vitamin D. The quickest way to do this is to live inside a tanning bed. To replicate the looks achieved below you will probably need to tan two-three times daily over the course of several decades:
You have two options: Be healthy or cram your excess baggage into clothes that are technically not your size.
The second option is much less time consuming. Flub can be easily concealed through tanning (see Step 1), slutty corsets (visit your nearest Forever 21) and distraction (i.e., wearing tons of makeup or very little clothing – or some combination of both – so that weight is no longer an issue). Corsets are great because you can take your armpit fat and shove them into your bra to give your girls an extra boost.
Either way, you are going to want to spend significant time at the gym to snag a guy like this:
Don’t worry, you don’t have to sweat or use any of the equipment. Many girls choose to simply loiter in a skanky workout outfit, occasionally patting away nonexistent sweat and making frequent trips to the water fountain to replace fluids they aren’t losing.
Some girls choose to go with darker hair because it is more natural looking and sets them apart. Or sometimes they just want to hook a guy who wears skinny jeans and attends poetry jams. However, you must still maintain a fried consistency through daily blow drying, straightening, use of extensions and not having time to get your ends trimmed. Darker haired girls: you are going to want to compensate for your lack of blond hair by wearing an additional layer of makeup and purchasing some colored contacts that subtly suggest you are heavily medicated.
When applying eye makeup, remember that the goal is to frighten. The angrier your eyes look the sexier you appear. Hello, cat eye:
- Piercings that interfere with your ability to eat or pee normally
- Tattoos on your lower back and foot (Preferably a tribal tattoo but only if you have absolutely no Native American heritage, otherwise get something like “Strong” or “Sexy” written in Japanese, especially if you are not Japanese)
- Don’t forget to install an obnoxious pair of hooters!
“OMG, look at that stupid Duck Face.”
Variations of Duck Face
Group Duck Face – Group Duck Face is extremely popular because if everyone else in the flock is doing it, it must be cool, right? Right?
Where Can I Get More Information About Duck Face?
MySpace and Facebook are great places to start. Many of the photos in this blog were found doing a Google Images search for “Duck Face Idiots.”
I am also fond of antiduckface.com.
If you are looking to waste one minute and twenty-seven seconds of your life that you can never get back, here is a link to a Duck Face video montage with a lovely Duck Face song.
And no this is not me at ten. I found this gem on Google. But I will be posting both my professional GS photos and the basement studio pics soon… Get excited.