Dear Sirs,

When I have a need for information, I reach for my Google.  I am a loyal customer to your search engine.  I’ve never liked Yahoo! or Bing!  This being said, I am afraid that I am going to have to take my frenemy stalking and cute monkey videos research elsewhere.  That is, unless you can assist me with the one complaint I have that is driving me from your warm embrace. 

You see, I am pretty easy-going and patient as a general rule, but I can be a very impatient person when I want to be. Unfortunately, as result, it often takes me several tries to get to the Google page because I type the second “g” before the second “o” because I just can’t wait to type that “g” and by the time I’m done hitting the first “o” I’ve already moved on to the “g” without waiting for the second “o” to make his appearance and so for the first three tries, I wind up entering and then I have to backspace backspace backspace and retype gogole two more times until a light bulb comes on and I take a deep breath and slowly and painfully peck out google.

Please don’t write me back with a laundry list of alternative suggestions.  I know I could just set my home page to Google, which I do.  However, I also want to open up Google in other tabs in the same browser, which requires me typing it.  I could, you might argue, utilize the handy predictor text feature.  However, I would argue, that tool is not handy and I have purposely disabled it because I do not want other people using my computer to see where I’ve been.  What if a visiting friend asks to check their e-mail or harvest their Farmville crops and sees that I’ve been Facebook stalking them?  This leaves only one solution.  Google really needs to buy and have visitors automatically redirected to

I realize that what I am asking will cost some money and take some of your time.  On the other hand, it seems you have a lot of people working for you that can handle this request, as I always see your job ads on web boards and since you never respond to my resume submissions, I have concluded that you must already have these positions filled.  Why else wouldn’t you hire a neurotic, impatient girl that writes letters to companies asking them to purchase additional web domains in order to retain her loyalty?

But you’re getting off topic here.  I don’t want to work for you, I just want you to purchase  Thank you in advance for writing me back a polite letter of response, detailing an approximate timeline of when I can expect to be fully operational.


Marisa Knudsen
G-mail account holder and Google patron

30 seconds later:

To whom it may concern at Google:

Please disregard my previous message.  I see that you have already obtained

Humbly yours,

Marisa Knudsen